Chain restaurants: fast and casual

Look, I’m not going to pretend that everything on CB is unique and exciting. In fact, half the beauty of this street is that there are many, many (many) chains — both food and otherwise — and they are all easily accessible and quick (via the many, many (many) surface parking lots). Which, let’s face it, is the allure. Would I prefer a fried chicken sandwich from Post on South Broadway? Well, yes I would, but I can practically see the Chick-Fil-A from my office window. Plus, I’m a lazy American. So what do you think I am going to do? If you answered “get in the car and drive over to Post,” you chose . . . poorly. (This is of course assuming that I am not going to be so lazy I can’t even bring myself to leave the office and end up eating Cheezits for lunch. Don’t judge me.) So, let’s talk chain restaurants. Note that I am not including chain restaurant-restaurants like Chilis. We are saving Chilis and its ilk for another post. I’m talking fast food to fast casual restaurants here. If you can drive up to a window or walk up to a counter and order food, you will find it here.

For better or worse, there may not be a higher concentration of chain food options anywhere else in Denver. Don’t quote me on that, but really, there is an embarrassment of riches along CB. (This analogy only works if you consider chain restaurants to be “riches,“ which I concede some of my vast readership may not so consider).

To start, you have all the classics. Yes, by classics I am referring to McDonalds, Taco Bell, KFC, A&W, BK, Arby’s, Good Times and while this may be controversial, I’m going to throw Subway in there too. Further, while this may not be technically roadside, there is also a Wendy’s a tad east off Colorado on Alameda. However, because you can access the Wendy’s from CB proper, I’m including it here. So you’ve got tacos, burgers, chicken, more burgers, and The Meats, all on one street. Really, is there any OG that is missing? Okay, maybe Popeyes. But can’t you scratch that itch with one of those appalling sounding bowls with corn and gravy from KFC? Or even Chick-Fil-A, which leads me to my next category . . . .

Chains that may not really be much higher quality than the classics but sure seem like they are. I’m talking about Chick-Fil-A, Einstein’s, Qdoba, Tokyo Joes, Raising Cane, and the many sandwich options like PotBelly, Jersey Mikes, Cheba Hut, and Jimmy Johns. Let’s also not forget the burger joints like Five Guys and Smash Burger. Yes folks, these are all available on CB. YUM! How great and easy is this? Who’s hungry?! Plus, kids love this kind of food, take it from me. I, uh, heard from a friend that some parents take their kids to Chick-Fil-A at least once a week and its their kids’ favorite place. (Hey, this is a no-judgment zone. It’s a trust tree. In a nest. RIGHT GUYS?)

I do want to take this opportunity to note that in my opinion—which is the one that matters since I’m the decider here—Einstein’s is, to quote my dear husband, bottom of the barrel. They do not boil their bagels and as a result, their “bagels” taste like soft, squishy bread. YUK. The fact that there are not one, not two, but three Einstein’s along CB really probably encapsulates the spirit of this blog — and Colorado Boulevard itself — better than I could ever do with words. You may not really like it, you may not want it, but damnit, it’s there, it’s convenient, and it’s not THAT bad so you are going to eat it/read it/shop there anyway. Someone’s got to eat it, folks.

Some of you discerning readers may have noticed I left out an obvious entrant in the category above: Chipotle, which has two locations on CB. Well, you noticed right. Here is why. I love Chipotle and I want to climb on my soapbox and proclaim it to the world. Bring it on, haters! Bring it all on — including the very mediocre queso and the not-insignificant likelihood of catching norovirus. Here is a story: the first time I went to Chipotle, I was in middle school and my friend’s mom took us for lunch. We went to the original on Evans because that was the only one (yes I am old). I ordered a burrito so big, it burst through the giant tortilla they use to wrap the burrito and they had to double wrap it in a second enormous tortilla to hold all my fillings in. Yes, it’s possible to order a burrito so big that even the Chipotle-sized tortillas cannot contain it. Friends, I know there are differences of opinion out there but the haters are wrong and I am right: Chipotle is the best. Its brown cilantro lime rice is the best, its chicken is the best, its sofritos are the best, and its hot salsa is addictively, insanely, absurdly good and no one else come close. I’ll say it again for the cheap seats in the back: Chipotle’s hot salsa is THE BEST and neither Qdoba or Illegal Pete’s can touch it. I will fight you on this. This is not a sponsored post. To be clear, if I could figure out how to get sponsored, I absolutely would, but I don’t know how.

Ahem. I got a little worked up there. Let’s move on to our next and last tier of chain food, which are the spots that I classify as both good and good for you. Relatively speaking. These are places like Mod Market, Swing Thai, Wahoos, Garbanzo, the many poke options, and Cava. These are all great food choices! And they are all on CB! NB: folks, if you haven’t eaten at Cava yet (and there are two locations on CB!) then hurry over. It’s GOOD. Let’s also pour one out for Schlotzky’s and their yummy sammies, one of which used to be along CB but now I think the only remaining outpost is on Arapahoe Road, way down yonder in a land far far away (ie, not within one square mile of my work/home).

Finally, I feel I should mention Starbucks. I’m not totally sold on including it here, as it’s a coffee shop first and foremost, but it (1) is a chain, (2) has a counter from which you can order food and drinks, and (3) has proliferated along CB, so I think it fits. More importantly, it has to be one of most ubiquitous chains ever so I don’t think we can talk about chains and Colorado Boulevard, the chain-heaviest street in town, and NOT include Starbucks. It just wouldn’t feel right. Along those lines, can you guess how many Starbucks are along Colorado Boulevard? If you guessed eight, you would be right. It’s almost poetic, isn’t it? Starbucks and Colorado Boulevard go together like PB&J. Together forever. I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Wow! what a list of glorious and not-so-glorious food choices. What else could you possibly ever want? (Don’t answer that). Colorado Boulevard - Put it on your dance card! Should I make that my new catchphrase? Anyhow, if you think I missed an obvious place that deserves to be called out here, let me know! Leave a comment. CB 4-Eva!